As a stealth master in the SSS (Spies Serving Society), Sarhya helps protect her friends and the other street kids hiding from a despotic government that considers orphans nothing more than cheap labor. Dealing with infiltrators, smugglers and rival spies has become second nature after two years working with her fellow spies, but Sarhya will need more than talent to handle the crisis headed her way.
For the first time since the SSS formed, an adult has asked to join their ranks, and he is none other than the legendary Black Dragon, a stealth master like herself. Although Dragon's request is granted through a joint decision, Sarhya is none too pleased to have someone encroaching on her position, no matter how famous he is.
However, the SSS as a whole has larger issues to deal with than a little friction among its members. Black Dragon's former employer took offense when he walked out and is determined to get him back by any means possible, including blackmail involving an unsuspecting Sarhya, who is about to find out just how harsh reality can be when it comes to learning the truth about the family she has always imagined.
At 60,000 words, SPY is a futuristic adventure novel for middle grade readers. The completed manuscript is available upon request.
Thank you for considering my work.
Through each iteration, I still find myself asking why such a legendary guy wants to join a youth group. And why a savvy bunch of kids lets him. I understand the prestige value from the kids' POV, but I think mentioning the motivation of the adult in the query will help pre-empt that question in the reader's mind. I think it's more important to know why he's joining than how he gets in. And probably more important than Sarhya feeling displeased that he's there. You could probably sneak that bit in more succinctly at the beginning of the last paragraph:
Sarhya's steamed at being snubbed, but the SSS as a whole has ...
Dealing with infiltrators, smugglers and rival spies has become second nature after two years working with her fellow spies, but Sarhya will need more than talent to handle the crisis headed her way.
This is a nit that may not bother anyone else, but I was trying to figure out who would be infiltrating the SSS? I could kind of imagine them infiltrating government groups but vice versa?
And, of course, if you say she'll need more than talent, I start to wonder what else she'll need -- friends, wits, knowledge?
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Query Revision 26: Redux