Face-Lift 917: Legend of the Phoenix
Dear Agent Person:
Ethan believes he will be a hero, despite the fact that the fairy who foresaw his rise to fame was actually a drug addict on one of her usual trips. Anna, the trouble-making young princess, just wants to be the typical damsel in distress, saved by a true knight to live happily ever after or something boring like that. However, life sucks for most people, and hardly anyone actually gets the role they desire.
After learning his status as a hero was not written in stone, Ethan discovers an ancient legendary sword that he thinks will help him become a legend himself. Due to his horrendous bad luck, however, Ethan accidently breaks the sword in two while trying to save Anna from a hungry gremlin. His mistake releases the evil queen Dahlia of the nymphs. Dahlia is weak but quickly regaining strength and simply wants a happy life filled with destruction and suffering to those around her. Horrified by what he has caused, Ethan and Anna head on a dangerous journey to defeat Dahlia, that is, if they don’t get captured by the king’s guards first for stealing the sword.
Throughout their journey, Ethan and Anna encounter nymphs, fairies, not-so-wise old men, talking hippy unicorns and a king and queen baked out of their minds on drugs. Ultimately, they come face to face with the terrible queen Dahlia. However, can Ethan and Anna accept their true roles in order to stop Dahlia, or will they fail to correct Ethan’s mistake and ultimately cause world annihilation?
Legend of the Phoenix is a 95,000 word Young Adult Fantasy novel. I am an unpublished author looking for a home for my manuscript, and I feel that AGENCY would make an excellent fit for my story and me. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Humor is difficult. What's even more difficult is translating long-form, situational humor into short-form query.
This query, I think, isn't quite striking the balance between showing the reader a humorous story and a story with heart. Humor, of course, is very subjective, so I think getting lots of comments about whether a humorous piece is working is very important.
If we break down the humor aspects, I think we find:
- The situational humor needs to be clearly defined.
- Irony needs to be set up and then its outcome anticipated in the reader's mind.
- Simply meeting quirky characters does not make a story funny.
- Descriptions of humor need to be humorous.
- Reader discovery is a better tool than out-and-out telling a reader something.
- Fast and pacey leave a better impression about humor than longer, slower sentences.
Now the voice in my version is very different from the voice you give us in your version. I think the fun factor could still be amped up quite a bit, but that might make the voice much too different from the voice in your book. But I do believe if you go for crisper, shorter sentences and spotlight the situational humor better, the query will be more appealing to a greater number of readers.
Sixteen-year-old Ethan's future as a damsel-saving hero is in the bag: It's been foreseen. Too bad that career advice came from a fairy strung out on one too many magic mushrooms.
Anna, a trouble-making young princess, has her career mapped out too: meteoric rise as damsel-in-distress followed by early retirement in the land of happily-ever-after.
What could possibly go wrong with well-grounded plans like that? Right.
Fate seems to be cooperating when Ethan stumbles across a legendary sword that comes complete with a regulation prophecy. Something about making its wielder a legend too. Check. Meanwhile, Anna cleverly gets herself assaulted by a hungry gremlin just as a cute boy with a big sword happens by. Check and check. With his first mighty blow, Ethan misses the gremlin and breaks the sword in two. Oops. Double oops when his mistake releases Dahlia, queen of the nymphs who, after a few hundred years captive in a soul-sucking dimension of hades, is ready to settle down to a happy life destroying everyone and everything around her.
Lacking any fallback career plans to fall back on, Ethan and Anna head out on a dangerous journey to defeat Dahlia. Dogged at every step by a requisite list of quirky characters -- unwise old men, talking unicorns, drugged-out royalty and a host of hippie-fied fairies -- Ethan and Anna ultimately come face-to-face with the terrible nymph queen herself.
Poor kids. Following plan is never as easy as it seems.
LEGEND OF THE PHOENIX is a 95,000 word Young Adult Fantasy novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.