Cry of the Witch
Callie Richards’s seventeenth birthday was definitely one to remember. Hot, dizzy and nauseated to most people would be signs of the flu. But Callie doesn't get cold medicine or a cool washcloth from her grandma but the evolving truth. She’s a witch, potentially the most powerful witch in existence. And her unfocused powers just came in.
She learns that numerous family members were slaughtered at the hands of an evil sorcerer named Bellary and he‘s coming for Callie next. Bellary has sworn to make the non-magical community his energy source and with his talent of absorbing magical powers from his victims he has become unmatched. However to obtain true invincibility he must wait until Callie’s powers over all five elements are fully mature and she can focus them at will.
Callie rises to lead a powerful coven entwined with multiple layers of magic contributed by an empathic, a necromancer and a vampire. The group uncovers a rare tribal magic running through the heart of the town. Callie and her coven may be able to control it in time with practice. However Callie has only learned to focus three of the elements and the coven’s inexperience puts them at a deadly disadvantage. Bellary’s first attack leaves Callie’s boyfriend paying the price of their immature powers with his life. It’s up to Callie to become the witch she was born to be. If she fails again both her powers and the world will be his to control.
CRY OF THE WITCH a 106,000 word YA urban fantasy.
Thank you for you time and consideration.
To be honest, I think this version is less clear than the original. For me, the different kinds of magic all run together. We have a witch whose craft might be elemental in nature, a sorcerer who absorbs magic (but only when those magical powers are mature -- and it seems like he can absorb all kinds?) and who can use non-magicals as energy sources, an empath, a necromancer (who I usually think of as villainous, so I'm not sure how s/he's different from the evil sorcerer), a vampire, and rare tribal magic. I can't wrap my head around that many different magics and understand how they can all work together and/or against one another.
I'm also not clear on the coven. Bring in different magics to make it strong: check. Bring together a bunch of magical folk who have yet to come into their powers and call it a powerful coven: uncheck. Are there no magical folk whose powers are mature -- like grandma -- they can recruit into the coven?
And then I'm afraid we have what seems like a contradictory plot point. First, Bellary must wait for Callie to come into her power. But he attacks before she's mastered her craft? Or before any of the others in the coven do either? How does that benefit Bellary?
I don't think we need her symptoms or the relief in the first paragraph. Or grandma if she's not integral to the story other than to serve as the family's geneologist. And is her boyfriend one of the coven members mentioned or a non-magical person?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Query 89: Redux
Cry of the Witch