Thursday, November 11, 2010

Payback Time! Your Chance to Critique Me

So, like some of you, I also entered the November Secret Agent contest over at Authoress's blog. I've read through half the entries so far and have already recognized a couple of stories from the queries posted here :o). I didn't crit the ones I recognized as I agree with most of the other commenters, and you've already heard (probably too much!) from me.

Since the Secret Agent has already been by mine, I thought it only fair I'd let you know it's entry #11. It's the first 250 words of the larger sample of Sector C posted elsewhere on this site, so nothing new if you've already read those first two short chapters. Only, you know, you get to crit this bit. With abandon.


Wilkins MacQueen said...

Is Miss Snark back?

And monkeys talk - Thai joke.

I'm starting to get into the writing on my blog. Coming out of the closet is a little like streaking, at noon, in Central Park, but what the hey.

And with two hundred thousand dollars his to lose if he missed the kill, he could wait a very long time.

dollars OF his to lose? Just a question. Or add a coma? thousand dollars, his to lose if he... SMALL point. I have read all I can about correct use of comas and know I know less than I did.

I love Sector C. So smooth and flows like the Danube, going on and on, effortlessly. I really loved that the Great hunter, fall down, go bust. Botched the kill. Ha! Take that!

Lovely story, lovely writing.

And it is Remembrance Day - Nov 11., In Flanders Fields, Pearl, wherever you sleep, RIP. Thanks to you we are free. I went to the cemetery at the River Kwai and prayed at your graves. Brave men all.

Matt said...

I thought it weird that the secret agent took issue with the pounding heart line, especially when he/she didn't elaborate.

People in the comments really liked Vikram, I think they might be disappointed to learn he isn't the MC. feels like the appropriate scene to start, but is it a good idea to open with a character who isn't a lead? I sometimes see readers as baby ducks who follow the first person they see.

That's a great scene, though. You had me seeing through the eyes of Vikram.

Wilkins MacQueen said...

Miss you, good to see you again,

Phoenix said...

Hey Mac: It's not Miss Snark but one of the Snarkettes who was the first person way back when to have Miss Snark tear her into query.

I've been a poor commenter on your blog. Sorry. But I have read up to your trials getting the work release type papers that your school lost. I'm sure that's resolved by now :o) and I'll be over soon to see how!

Thanks for the suggestions on the edits! It definitely does need to be finessed.

Hah, Matt: Funny, but from that one edit (the pounding heart line), I have a good idea who the Secret Agent is. Pet editing peeves will always out you :o)

As far as not opening with the MC, your point is well-taken. I've had a couple of agents chide me for that, but then I've had a couple tell me they love the way I've set the mystery up through the first half of the book where the MCs play very little role.

Why can't storytelling be simple?! ;o)

Matt said...

Hey Bibi, I just left some comments on your blog.

I've been a poor commenter lately too. I'm trying to meet a deadline on my current WIP (one week from today) and it's taking all my time. The internet is a seductive force that draws you in with the promise of five more minutes only to hold you for an extra three hours, so I'm trying to limit the time I spend on it.


I know what you mean. Sometimes we get caught up in all the formulas we learn from websites etc. that we forget the point is to tell a good story, and riveting ones often break the mold.

I guess it's a case of knowing the rules before you break them.

Wilkins MacQueen said...

Thanks both for commenting on my blog. Got fresh photos up finally.

Matt, always enjoy reading your comments. Time mgt is hard if you write.